So he told us he was going to his afternoon class at college . . . “PC Troubleshooting and Toolbox”. There’s even “Advanced PC Troubleshooting and Assembly” and again I thought “Get a Mac – no college course needed. It doesn’t require fixing.” MY OPINION. I love my MAC and you can’t convince me otherwise!!
So after several years in Louisiana with great memories, friends, youth and changes . . . God had us make a big move. A great move. He led us to Hamilton Baptist Church in Hamilton, VA. This was perfect training ground for me and five wonderful years as a full-time youth pastor.
I had always wanted to do the “youth thing” full-time and I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. I miss the young’uns dearly and try to watch their individual journeys through facebook and am so proud of them. Some are taking great stands at school, others involved in great endeavors, and some at college making a difference.
Looking back, the only thing I wish I could have done more is . . . reach more unsaved teens for Christ and have the opportunity to mentor more young people one-on-one. I am so proud of the one young man whom I spent some individual time with and believe he is and will do great things for God. Not because of my mentoring but because he’s trying to follow Him as leader!! (I wish I could mention every teen and how they impacted my life – but maybe I can mention some of them in future posts!)
My pastor (Chris Walker) was a wonderful mentor and very good friend!! I owe a lot of who I am today to his friendship, challenges, encouragements, and love. He has a Big HEART and is a true follower of Christ in every sense of the word. I miss our conversations together.
And HBC was a church with a Big HEART. A group of loving and sincere Christians. It seemed like there was always someone willing to step up to the plate and help out or reach out. Their ministry in Eagle Butte – amazing!! So many things going in the right direction.
So why did I leave? Why not stay and minister to the youth? I did say that I thought God wanted me to forever be a youth pastor!
It was a sermon that my big-hearted preacher spoke. The Lord was already challenging me about pastoring and I was fighting it. Pastor Chris spoke and my heart was stirred and convicted. I couldn’t fight it any more – so I told him that God was calling me to pastor and that my final decision “was all his fault”. LOL I had to follow Christ even if I didn’t understand – even if it meant sacrifice – even if it meant no church pay check – even if it meant leaving a church family of dear friends.
The dream was about to come true . . . Stories Coffee House (an outreach to the teens needing hope/ needing Christ in Loudoun County). Opening day was one day away when “the door was closed” and the outreach endeavor never came to be. I wept – a lot! It was the worst day ever in my ministry career.
God knew what he was doing even though I didn’t understand. Stories was closed but Istoria Church was being born – God wanted to take our story line and add a new adventure. A new chapter about to be written in Joliet, Illinois!!
I love it when someone says eloquently what I am thinking or believe. (I’m not so good with words and grammar.) This happened again recently as I read several great quotes on mission (evangelism, outreach – whatever you wish to call it).
Here are a few excerpts from “So Beautiful” written by Leonard Sweet: (Read. Enjoy. Feel free to comment.)
These are the best of times to be the church.
These are the worst of times to be a church.
~ Reggie McNeal
“The passion for evangelism is nothing other than a passion for reading the signs of what god is up to, connecting the God-dots, signing up, and then laying down our lives on God’s dotted lines. The French Jesuit Jean Danielou, writing on the theology of mission in the 1950s, said that fruitful missionary efforts ‘stopped thinking of bringing Christ to China … but rather started thinking about finding Christ already there.’ “
“As soon as you say to Jesus ‘I’m in,’ he says back at you, ‘You’re out.’ “ “We don’t need mor mission trips but more mission people for whom all of life is a mission trip.”
“Unless we are pointing to Jesus, introducing and helping others to encounter this Word-made-Flesh who challenges our core assumptions, engages with us in unexpected ways, and turns our lives bottoms up, then we are not functioning as a church.”
“Our starting point is not telling people where they should be, but being with people where they already are ‘while going’ and catching up to the Spirit”
This is the sculpture named “The hero. The leader. The god”
by Alexandre Kosolapov.
Photo by Rustem Adagamov.
COMMENTS? THOUGHTS? OR ADD A TAG-LINE.
After almost 8 years at college (a few extra years because I was told I needed to stay and find a HAC bride or not be right with God), I began my first ministry job – still single. I felt like a missionary moving to Louisiana – everything seemed so foreign. They even called Pepsi “coke”.
I spent 9 years of ministry in Baton Rouge. I was a third grade teacher (great year and students) for one year and then taught jr. and sr. high for several years. I especially love teaching the junior high Bible classes!! I had the great opportunity of being the junior high youth pastor too!!
My heart was in the right place, but I wish I could redo some of the damage I did during those first years of ministry. I remember preaching messages that probably offended rather than challenge. I actually even remember pin-pointing students who attended a southern Baptist church and preaching against their church. Stupid!!!
(Side Note: From 2003-2008, I was a full-time youth pastor in a southern Baptist church. LOL)
To those whom I may have hurt, I apologize. I really wanted what was best for you and your future but really had it all screwed up!! So, what changed my mind and my direction? What was the big decision and how has it impacted me?
After serving at CHBC for several years, our pastor decided to make some big changes in how we did things around the church. We became more “purpose driven” and focused on the lost. Things changed: the music, the instruments, the messages, the focus, etc. The youth pastor (who was instrumental in bringing me to the church and getting my first ministry job) decided that the change was too much and started his own church in town. Many people followed. I was left in a dilemma.
Do I stay at the church amidst the changes and do I even agree with them?? Do I move with the others and stick with what I learned as a young man at my home church and college?? Did I even know what to believe or why I believed it?? A crossroads – confusion – frustration – tears – journey – enlightenment – reality – faith – joy.
I asked my pastor for a short sabbatical and spent a night and day a few hours away with one specific goal in mind . . . figure out what Jesus would do. How did He minister? Who did He spend time with? How did he live His life? It seems so simple, but I wanted to be more like Christ . . . not the church . . . not my college . . . not like my friends . . not even like CHBC or my pastor BUT like my Savior!
Guess what? Jesus wasn’t predictable. He upset the religious and spent time with the “sinners”. He did things different. He did point His finger and preach but it was at the Pharisees who kept all the rules and thought they were better than everyone else. They even thought Christ had it all wrong and challenged Him! He loved and touched and healed and cried and prayed and changed the lives he came in contact with. I WANTED TO BE LIKE CHRIST and this meant the old ways needed to change.
I stepped away from the rules and regulations and found relationship and freedom and joy. Who would’ve known that several years later I would get so tired of the way the modern church did things, that I would step away from a church pay check to step out in faith and start my own church!? Well, I’m here and loving every part of it. WHY? Because I think I might be getting a little bit closer in doing ministry the way He did. And it feels great!!!
I have had a tough time writing this particular post. I either want to say too little or too much and at times just wanted to stay silent all together. I’ve decide to keep it simple. This chapter of my spiritual journey will be shared poetically and I will leave the interpretation of my college years up to you.
desire . . .
to reach out, to touch
too make a difference.
a call . . .
to others, to sacrifice and live.
thought there was no other
college . . .
good
bad
well meaning people
wanting to follow Him
somehow missing Him along the way
RULES REGULATIONS
Fear One-Sided Justice
weekends at college . . .
sad and lonely, but then . . .
The Big CITY . . . hurt, pain, fears, poverty, no hope.
my selfish sadness disappears
my tears (now for Pedro, Pablo, Maria, Martha, Paco, Popeye . . . .)
I tried, but maybe . . .
made them run away, find another way
I gave them LOVE but Love+
College = Cult???
a part of my journey meant to be
experiences from God that
led me too . . .
My eyes (now opened)
His kingdom – my invitation PRAISE His name!!
I don’t remember how it happened but two big changes now take place: After one year in a Christian school, I return to the public school system. I really didn’t mind and in fact kinda liked it better – there were so many more options and creativity abounded. And we changed churches too. We became part of a church plant in Lorain, Ohio – Beacon Baptist Church. This would be the church that I attended until I left for college.
It’s not easy starting a church, but this is what my pastor (Pastor Aaron Webb) did. I remember first meeting in a hotel and an actual hotel room for Sunday School (equipped with beds, an alarm clock, and tv). We then moved on to the YMCA. My Sunday School class was in the same hallway as the vending machines (It’s hard to concentrate when the Lay’s and hot chocolate are calling out your name). We baptized in the Y swimming pool! I remember meetings in the Pastor’s house too. I looked forward to those evenings because it meant time with my PK friends (Chris, David, and Mary).
I remember dealing with a lot of low self-esteem in jr. high and high school but church did help out in that arena – I felt important and like I had achieved something through teaching F.B.I. (Faithful Bible Investigators) – a 1st through 5th grade Wednesday Bible study and also by working on a bus route and bringing children to church from south Lorain – this is how I met my best friend too!! (Alvin was totally cool and maybe me feel important and liked.)
I thought my preacher did a good job sharing the love of Christ with us, yet the rules and standards and fear exhausted from our particular denomination seemed to sometimes over-cloud God’s grace and unconditional love. I always heard that if you truly had “Christ in your heart” there would be big change and you would live, dress, talk, and think differently than the rest of “the world”. I always struggled (even though I had said “the prayer”) with wondering if I “was in” and gonna make it. Why?
Because I had grown up in a Christian home with rules, manners, and morals – so, there was really no big outward change in my life and the outward appearance and motions were emphasized a lot in church. And my inside stuff? I was a normal teenage boy that feared, didn’t like myself, had “lustful thoughts”, and really wanted to know what it was like to live like the other teenagers and “go to the movies, kiss a girl, dress stylish, tell a dirty joke, etc.” So, where was the big change if on the inside I was the same as everyone else? Was I to be non-human? Anyway, lots of doubt followed me because I knew I wasn’t perfect and that was God’s standard right?? Or was it???
(to be continued . . .)
Dialogue from SAVED (2004):
Hilary Faye: Mary, turn away from Satan. Jesus, he loves you.
Mary: You don’t know the first thing about love.
Hilary: [throws Bible at Mary] I am FILLED with Christ’s love! You are just jealous of my success in the Lord.
Mary: [Mary holds up the Bible] This is not a weapon! You idiot.
I had a couple of friends who contributed to my New Dawn Narrative by just sharing part of their story rather than answering questions. Both are teens whom I loved (and still do) and attended the same independent, fundamental Baptist church several years ago. I wanted to share these with you today. And please, if you comment, do so only in love.
For those who are on a spiritual journey but are not “following Christ” on that journey, can I encourage you to give Him a try. Maybe you have heard or have seen the wrong version of Christ through others, church, or religion. Please keep reading my blogs and be open to maybe seeing Christ for who He truly is.
For those who say “I am a follower of Christ,” after you read the answers from the New Dawn Questions and these two stories – ask yourself, “What is the best way for us to reach out to our friends and neighbors?’ or maybe “Where have we gone wrong in the past and how do we fix it?”
STORY 1: I would be happy to be a part of the discussion. On a personal note, please do not be disappointed in for leaving the church and the faith. Please understand that it was not to go live in a life of sin. Honestly, I decided that I did not agree with the way the Bible says I should live my life. Once I decided that I did not agree, how could I call myself a Christian? I refused to be a hypocrite.
The actual issue was dealing with my step mother and the idea that we should honor our mothers. Also, once I started studying human nature and the history of the church, it was hard to have faith in the church. I know that is not were any faith should be placed, but much church doctrine is based on what church leaders said and did as the church grew. I can see why certain things were necessary then, but they don’t make since for today.
Anyway, I don’t think it is right for a “Christian” to pick and chose what they are going to do and not because that is not how the religion was set up. So I chose not to be part of that religion or any other.
I got to that conclusion through rational thought. And that is what I value more than anything else now. It is my life’s goal and calling to teach others how to think so they can make rational decisions. All I want people to do is make informed decisions! Whether it is about religion, politics, finances, ect. I want people to believe in things for some reason that resonates with them, not because a pastor or parents or the media say something. I want people to know why they believe in something.
When I was a Christian, I read the Bible (unlike most Christians) to achieve this goal. And I came to the conclusion that the Bible does not allow for the freedom to decide what is right or wrong. For instance, I lived with my husband for four years before we married. And I am sure that that time has allowed me to make an informed decision about marriage. I know that I can live with his idiosyncrasies, and I can make good decisions with him. I know that our marriage will last and be a happy one. I don’t think that majority of people can be that confident. And I think that is why our divorce rate is so high. People used to forced to lived together (even if they did not make a good decision) due to public pressure. Now there is not as much so they feel free to jump in and out of marriage. This is just wrong! But the way to fix it is not to say just live with your bad decisions, it is help people make good decisions in the first place.
Do you see what I mean?
Anyway, this is the basic outline of what happened with me. I would be happy to talk with you more about it. But please see this was not a whimsical decision. I fought with it, and I think I made the right choice. I honestly think I am a better and happier person, because I know what I believe and why. Also I change my opinions when as a better argument comes to my attention.
I really have a great fondness for you and the other leaders of the old ________ because I think y’all tried to be the best Christians you could be.
STORY 2: I’ve taken a bit of an all-inclusive approach to spirituality. I got tired of dogmas and decided just to love everything and everyone. Seems to work out pretty well for me. Mainstream Christianity has taken a rather sad turn in the past years.
When I left the church, I started asking those big questions and found my way into a lot of fringe areas of thought and philosophy. Definitely not the most popular route, I started studying indigenous cultures and their understanding of spirit. I wanted to get back to the core of my relationship with spirit and doctrine and just wasn’t doing it.
I’ve taken some strange roads. I’ve been to Central America and have participated in shamanistic rites involving ayahuasca, a powerful hallucinogen that has a very common affect on most people that is both healing and profound. There is a reason these plants and others like it grow on earth. They are tools for communion with nature and have been used thusly for thousands of years.
I lived in Costa Rica for three months a few years back, and in my times there I started really paying attention to the ways that I thought about everything and how it affected my daily life. Thoughts truly do become things, which is why many people just seem to manifest their fears most readily. Many people waste their thoughts worrying and all it does is create more of the situations/things they’re afraid of.
I live in the mystery of the moment these days. I don’t do plans, I don’t do itineraries. Going with the flow has become more than a mantra. I still have a bad habit of taking the weight of the world unto my shoulders, my mom says I’ve done this my whole life… I’ve just had to learn to trust in spirit to sort it out. I change the world now by changing myself. I’ve come to understand that the current state of the external world is the result of our internal struggle as a species and as we move closer to truly loving ourselves and each other.
This is exactly the kind of dialogue that needs to happen to open people up to the idea that the universe can be so much bigger than we allow ourselves to see it. This is a topic I can go into great depth over.
Someone did their homework . . .
“What if church wasn’t just a building, but thousands of doors? Each of them opening up to a different concept or experience of church – and a journey that could change our world. Would you come?
Church that opens hearts, opens doors, and opens minds through active engagement with our world.
We are doers. Committed to social justice, ending hunger, eradicating diseases of poverty, and being the healing faith community faith community as God calls us to be.
We accept you for who you are, and guide others searching for deeper meaning. We respect other religions and welcome diverse opinions.
We offer thousands of ways to experience church so you can find a journey you can call your own.
We aren’t striving to be all the same, but we are striving to work together to make a significant difference in the world.”
I never had the best mind and remember so little about my childhood. I’ve wondered if maybe I tried to seclude myself and hide from the past and the bad memories and maybe even stashed away the good with them. My life isn’t full of tragedy but I don’t remember much at all – kinda like I didn’t want to dwell upon reality.
My earliest recollection of my childhood life in church would include attending Victory Baptist Temple. My pastor was Carl Stuart. I don’t remember much but I do remember NUMBERS (attendance) being the main focus. I’m sure they talked about Christ, but I always remember the main emphasis being “how many people were in the pews”. There were big days to draw in the crowds. There were days like Cowboy Sunday when everyone would wear their western outfits (we even got popping paper shot guns) and Old Fashioned Sunday with antique cars, old dress, and oil lamps. And then there were the strange days like Alien Sunday when someone dressed up like a two headed alien for the children and the day that Pastor Stuart jumped from an airplane because we broke an attendance record. At times (at least to me), it seemed like church was more like a circus.
We moved to a new building and got a new pastor sometime down the road. Maybe it was because I was older, but I liked the new pastor better. He seemed more sincere and like he cared and he called me by name. I even remember spending some time at his house with his sons Michael and Stephen. Once again, I remember the big attendance days which included Pastor Loser eating things like chocolate covered grasshoppers and honey roasted bees as well as being tarred and feathered in a raincoat with (I think) honey and feathers – maybe it was chocolate syrup. Again though, church was a fun place because of the big events but somehow I missed the story of Christ and how I was a part of His plan and the Big Narrative.
The turning point – I attended our church school in Fifth Grade. It was different from what I was used to. We were taught a lot of Bible, but the biggest difference was the individual attention beacuse we were a small school. I loved my teacher Mrs. Murray and have tried to search for her for many years now to tell her thank you for being a wonderful teacher and friend! I remember a few things about my year at Victory Baptist Schools, but my two biggest memories include playing in the front yard with my friend Joey Pickett and others and acting like we found footprints and movie footage of the abominable snowman in the brush outside. And then there was the day that a guest speaker (Evangelist Darrell Dunn) spoke about the end times and “being left behind.” For the first time, I got scared and looked beyond the circus acts and thought about eternity. At the end of the chapel service I went to Mrs Murray and asked her to tell me more about Christ. She did and I said a prayer “to go to Heaven.” Throughout my teen years, I would hear messages on the end times and hell and wonder “Am I really saved?” “Am I still going to Heaven?” “Why am I doubting it?” (to be continued . . .)
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